Uptown Minneapolis is experiencing an epidemic, one which is best described as a “Bro Bar Wipeout.” First it was Cowboy Slims, a place many described as “rapey.” Now, its neighbor bro bar, Drink, has filed for bankruptcy protection.
What is happening? Does Uptown’s Northface no longer send out the Batman light of bro-kind? Are bros as a whole becoming a limited resource? Has the dogma of bro turned on drinking alcohol? Is bro Post-Bro?
Thinking about this, I decided to be like The Atlantic and make a sweeping cultural generalization while prematurely declaring something dead. I am confused to announce, the Bro Bar is Dead.
At first, the only explanation is karma.
"Well, that’s what you get for shamelessly appealing to dudes whose main cultural intake is Two and a Half Men and YouPorn. Maybe all those fancy condos being built in our once artsy Uptown should take this as a sign and scram. Let’s have more silent film non-profits, please!” said an imagined representative of Uptown who has since moved to Northeast.
Does God himself hate Cowboy Slims? I don’t think so. They have a bloody mary bar with meat sticks. I don’t think a bar should be punished for being a bro bar alone.
Maybe the recession has been hard on the bro. After all the bro lifestyle involves lots of money spent on secret tanning, Ikea art of men carrying surfboards, and plan B gifts for the ladies. The necessity of those costs might just leave behind less money for two-for-one Jag Bombs.
Regardless of the cause, the question remains, is the bro bar dead, or is there some new bro mecca pulling the true subscribers to the lifestyle away? Maybe Brit’s Pub? Bootleggers?
While we figure out the answer, where will the Uptown bros go? William’s Peanut Bar? Next door to Bar Abilene? Stella’s Fish Cafe?
What do you think?